


Thoughts That Won't Go Away

by idontreallywanttowritemyname



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Gen, I wasn't going to post them but honestly why the hell not, Other, Poetry, is this poetry? some of it maybe counts, just thoughts of mine, this is just a series of ramblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25118209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontreallywanttowritemyname/pseuds/idontreallywanttowritemyname
Summary: This is a bunch of writing I did for no reason. Very few chapters have anything to do with each other. If you want characters or plot, this is not that.I'll continue to post as inspiration strikes :)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. love me broken

**Author's Note:**

> These make no sense and have probably been written in a thousand ways a thousand times, but the thing about the human mind is that everyone is unique in exactly the same ways. In other words, I threw originality and perfectionism out the window and just stuck my own personal mess of cliches on a page and called it my own. bon apetit

Sometimes I think they'll never love me as much as I love them.

It's not that they lie; no, I'm sure you'll find me in certain parts of their hearts, and in certain personas they display. But they'll never love me the same way I love them.

My love for them is like a fire, bright and huge and terrifying. It consumes me, eating me alive until I'm nothing but ash and longing, the subtle flames of their indifference nipping hot and sure against my already aching skin.

My love for them is like the ocean, pulling me deeper, washing my cares away. I drown in them, choking on off-hand comments, words unsaid filling my broken lungs. All that's left for me to do is sink deeper and deeper into my own inadequacy, letting myself be wrapped in the cold comfort of my own insecurities.

My love for them is like the stars above, the very idea of them too beautiful to comprehend. They heal my wounds without even knowing it, their steady light keeping me sane on the darkest of nights. Forever too far away to know how much they mean to me.

My love for them is like a heartbeat, always present, a constant movement in my chest. It is a pounding in my ears, a silent rythm moving me forward through life. Without it I know I would be but a ghost of the person I am today. No matter how much pain I am in, I am kept moving by the echoes of their laughter, whispers of long forgotten conversations in my ears, ghosts of heads on my shoulder. To this rythm, my heart continues to beat.

I love them,  
I love them,  
I love them.

They love me too, but not enough. Never enough.


	2. Evie - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is even shorter than the last one, but I kinda like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's part one not only because I've already written more about her, but also because I know for a fact I'll write more. I don't think I'll ever run out of things to say about her💜

Are there tears inside those hazel eyes of yours? You keep so well hidden, my dear, but you don't fool me. Beauty like yours doesn't without the echo of pain forever ringing in your ears. That's the curse of the truly ethereal, darling: the whole world loves you, but it takes and it takes, so much so that you can't bring yourself to ever love it back.


	3. Evie - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her. Always her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's pray she never finds this

Have you ever been in love with the sun?

Always too close but never close enough. I could burn in the fire of her eyes forever.  
Everyone can see the way she shines, and the lucky ones of us get to bask in her gentle yet overwhelming light. All I've ever wanted is to be her moon. I long to absorb and reflect just a small amount of her beauty; that would be more than enough to soothe the steady ache of my soul. Alas, to be high enough in the sky to get compared with such a wonder as her is more than I could ever hope to achieve, so for now I let her heat consume me, offering a tender embrace to that which burns me so.  
And by God, do I burn.


	4. The Poet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siken is a god amongst men and I had some Thoughts

I never liked poetry. When he wrote, though, I could feel his heart on the page, pulsing to a rythm identical to my own.

It was personal,  
it was intimate,  
it was ours.

It was those moments when you're filled with nothing and everything all at once

It was running away to the same old broken melody

It was sitting in a car on the side of the road, torn between crying and staring blankly out the windshield at an indifferent world.

Don't look too closely at the car,  
at the steering wheel,  
at the outside,  
at yourself.

All that will be left is empty hands. No one told you what to do with those.

I say I've moved on, but the car is still there, on the side of that lonely road, waiting in an endless fog.

His heart is still wrapped up in those pages, buried under the pile of forgotten notebooks in my drawer.

I'm still in love with the absence of emotion, pulling me in only to spit me back out in a fraction of a second.

After all is said and done, I guess I like poetry.


	5. Questions

Why does no one ask the right questions?

_Are you okay?_ They say,

_Why don't you stop?_

_Who broke you?_

_What's wrong with you?_

Why don't they ask us things we know the answer to? Things we aren't programmed to respond to with lies?

No one asks the coward what he ran from first. No one asks when he became so afraid.

No one asks the okay when she learned to lie like that. No one wants her to stop.

No one asks the lazy why life isn't worth tge effort. Scorn is easier than pity.

No one asks the lonely anything. Who would dare disrupt the silence?

We waste no time on understanding. Time invested in sympathy is time not spent on finding solutions for problems that never existed. Solutions are all that matters. Solutions make us feel as though we have any sort of purpose. We don't.

**_The past is in the past_ **

When did we decide to deceive ourselves? Do we think we are protected? When did this become the only way?

When did these become the only questions worth answering?


	6. Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not be yearning today

They say my life will mean nothing if I don't succeed now. My father says he failed. My mother tells me she's disappointed. Maybe I don't want my life to have meaning. Maybe I want to marry a beautiful girl with sharp teeth and a sharper tongue. Maybe I want us to open a little bookstore where I spend my days making friends with the locals, shelving the stories that shaped my childhood, tending after our cat by the name of Lou. I want to live a life outside of time. I'm never so happy as when I am standing still. Our plants will never die, our cat will never age, our friends will never leave town, and we will be together as long as forever may take. The song doesn't have to end, for simplicity is the closest thing to perfection. Have I found the secret to life? If the clock is the source of human suffering, will removing it fix the world? Why don't we live as though time is below us; as though we'll never grow tired of living? If life is a party, why are we sitting around waiting for it to end? I'm begging you, father, please just let me dance.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! I'm a beginner so constructive criticism is always welcome. Love you guys! :))) 💜


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